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With all of the genetic food modification going on, how do we still not have a no-cry onion? I love onions but I’ve almost stopped including them in my cooking altogether. Slice into one and first come the tears, then the burning and squinting, can’t open my eyes, mascara bleeds into eyes… Being solely responsible for three accident/injury/mischief-prone little boys I can’t afford to be out of commission for that long.

As if the odds weren’t already stacked against me, dinner prep falls smack in the middle of the witching hour. Moms, you know what I’m talking about: Baby’s ready for another nap, (which is out of the question if you want any sleep at night); kids are bored and starting to launch projectiles about the house and at each other. Then there’s the running. From room to room to room, sliding across the kitchen floor, little boy bodies piling up against the cupboards.

Oh, and Tupperware everywhere. The one bowl and wooden spoon you gave your toddler to appease his urge to “help” you cook lost their charm while you were squinting and blotting mascara off your cheeks so he unloaded the whole cupboard.

The no-cry onion… think about it. Write your congressman.

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